Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

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Fat, Fatty, McFatterson

February 19, 2010

It’s after midnight, and I just scarfed down two slices of pizza and washed it down with a Coke… sigh.

I had a thought earlier today. What if I inventory what I eat in my blog? It’ll make me more self-aware. Blah, blah, blah. No one cares about what I eat!

I should care, though. I’ve got to make some changes. I’ve got a freakin’ reunion to go to in about six months.

I’ve already envisioned getting up early to go to Shipley Do-Nuts… or Starbucks.

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I’m a big girl now.

February 11, 2010

In keeping with the theme of my last post, I thought I’d share a little history on the size of my ass.

When I was growing up, I was all legs and arms. I had no meat on my bones. I was a “toothpick.” I remember being measured and weighed in 8th grade… I was 5’8″ and 115 lbs.

For a short time, in my sophomore year of high school, I actually gained enough weight to be considered normal. It didn’t last long. I thinned back down before too long, and finished out high school at 5’10” and 125 lbs. – a real light-weight.

As a young adult, I was extremely thin at one point. So much so, that my doctor felt the need to throw question after question at me about my eating habits. I soon realized that she was concerned about me being anorexic. Please know that I have never had an eating disorder. I was just so busy living my life, and I didn’t own a scale. I eventually put on enough weight that anorexia was no longer a question floating in the air.

Weight was a non-issue for most of my adult life. I was considered thin until I hit about 30 years of age. After that, I was a very normal weight… meaning I fit within my doctor’s parameters for normal.

In October 2007, I was put on a mood stabilizer called Depakote. I proceeded to gain 40 lbs. in one year. In that year, I ate all the chicken pot pies, doughnuts, cookies, brownies, ice cream, and milkshakes one could stomach. It was a glutenous situation. I did more than my share of sleeping and watching TV during that time, too.

I was put on a different mood stabilizer in September 2008, which I am still on today. I have continued to gain weight. I am up another 15 lbs. My eating habits have not changed. My cravings haven’t changed. My doctor says that the medicines I’m on now are “weight neutral”, meaning they shouldn’t cause me to gain or lose weight.

So, here I am… I’m gonna say it… 200+ lbs. Yikes. I NEVER thought I would have to admit that. What a number.

I’m officially a big girl.

While medicines have contributed to the current state of my body, I cannot continue to use that as an excuse. It’s all me now. My eating habits are deplorable. I lie in bed and watch TV all day, and although I’m starting to go to the gym, I can’t really say I get much exercise, yet.

Now that I’ve shared, I’m going to eat a snack.

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Gym Adventures

February 11, 2010

My dad gifted me with a gym membership in October of last year, and so far I’ve only been a handful of times. The gym has always scared me… all the machines – what are they all for? Then there’s all the people who know what they’re doing. I want to be one of those people.

I stick to the treadmill and the bicycle. I tried the elliptical machine one day and lasted a whole two minutes. Soon, I hope to try some classes. I really don’t like all the mirrors, though. I hate looking at myself, especially while I’m trying to work out.

I ventured out into the cold rain today to go to the gym. Mainly because I told my dad I would… not because of any inner strength or determination on my part. I managed to walk on the treadmill for a whoppin’ 25 minutes… 25 minutes was all I could muster. Now I’m telling myself, “You know, you went. You got out in the nasty weather, you drove the 15 minutes to the gym and you went inside. Okay, that’s a victory.”

But… on the way home, I chose to reward myself, which is a nice way of saying I sabotaged myself. I stopped at Whataburger (the best!)  and got a cheeseburger, fries, and a SWEET iced tea. I washed it all down with some Runts – my favorite hard, fruit-flavored candy.

Sigh.

This is a nice little habit I’ve gotten into after my visits to the gym. Oh, I stop and get a fruit smoothie at Smoothie King (sounds healthy, but they’re loaded with calories), or I stop at Starbucks and get a non-fat, no whip white chocolate mocha, or I stop at Taco Bell and get a Mexican pizza. Then, of course, there’s Whataburger, my go-to fast food joint.

So, I’m acknowledging that there are some things I can work on here. I can stay at the gym longer than 25 minutes, and I can skip the “rewards” afterward. I can give myself a chance at success.

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