Archive for the ‘Happiness’ Category

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When it rains, it puddles.

May 15, 2013

I originally posted this on Facebook on Friday, May 10, 2013. I think it’s blog-worthy.

I did a good deed today during lunch. I really wasn’t going to announce this to the Facebook world because I didn’t do it for bragging rights. I did it because it was right, and it made me feel good.

Something funny happened immediately afterwards, and so that’s why I want to share.

I had just left my office for lunch, and it was raining. I saw a woman, in a nice work outfit and heels, walking down the sidewalk headed towards Westheimer Rd. She was drenched. I hesitated but then stopped and offered her a ride. She accepted. She had to abandon her car several miles away because the streets were flooding, and she didn’t want to get her car stuck in deep water. While I was driving her to her apartment several miles away, she told me she was reluctant to accept a ride because one time she accepted a ride from two ladies who held a gun to her head! Yikes!

I dropped her off and was headed up Westheimer Rd. to my lunch spot, smiling, feeling good, knowing I did the right thing by stopping, yeah, yeah, woohoo.

Then, — sigh — I drove through a large puddle of water and totally drenched some poor dude waiting at a bus stop.

Thank you, Universe!

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Road Trips

February 22, 2010

I used to love going on road trips. When I was growing up, almost all of our family vacations consisted of traveling many hours to visit relatives. We’re talking seven-hour, nine-hour, and twelve-hour road trips. I loved staring out the window at the ever-changing Texas landscape. I loved listening to the radio. I loved letting my mind wonder… imagine… envision… plan. I could dream big – as big as Texas. Anything was possible.

As an adult, I’ve also enjoyed road trips. If I travel alone, I love that I can be one with my thoughts – uninterrupted. I love the wide open spaces. I love the long road in front of me. If I’m traveling with my sisters – I love the conversation and the singing along (quite loudly) with Journey’s Greatest Hits cd (best road-trip cd ever).

Something has changed in the past year or so. Anytime I’ve had to travel out-of-town, I’ve experienced quite a bit of anxiety. It sucks! I’m constantly worried about my car breaking down or about getting in an accident, or I don’t know what.

To be fair, I have had a few issues with my car in past trips, especially in the last year. I know that must be playing a part in all this, although anxiety has never been an issue for me, previously.

Even when I ride the bus (because of the car issues) from my city to my sister’s city, which I’ve done quite a bit this year, I become anxious. I just want to be there already. I don’t want to go through the process. It’s just too much. I don’t get any pleasure out of it. I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts. It’s way too uncomfortable.

In two weeks, I have to take a seven-hour trip with my dad and return home two days later. STRESS. My dad, whom I love dearly, will talk the ENTIRE trip. (Deep breath.) This will only add to my anxiety. The purpose of this trip is to get all my STUFF that my aunt and uncle have graciously been storing on their property – an apartment full of stuff. The thought of dealing with it makes me sick to my stomach.

I hope this trip-associated anxiety will disappear one day. Road travel used to be so therapeutic for me. I envision many trips in my future. I want to be able to enjoy, not dread, them.

If anything is possible, can’t this be?

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Friends

February 9, 2010

When I’m in the depths of my depression, when absolutely nothing matters, I do what I do best – I isolate myself. I disappear. No one can find me. There have been many, many times in my adult life when I have sunk into a deep depression and completely shut myself off from my friends. Phone calls are ignored, emails go unanswered… for months and months… sometimes more than a year.

For some reason, my friends wait, and eventually I make contact with them again. They are always excited to hear from me… and we pick up right where we left off.

They should be allowed to expect more from me, though. Friendships are two-way roads. It’s important that I’m available for them when they need me, not just the other way around. I need to continually work on this. It’s equally important for my mental health. I need to be held accountable. I need to be a friend as much as I need friends.

Like I said, maintaining the friendships I have is absolutely critical to my mental health. I feel good when I reach out to my friends… no matter how long it’s been since we’ve last talked.

I am as honest as possible with my friends about being bipolar. They are supportive in all the ways that they know how to be, and for that, I am so thankful.

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Happy Lately?

February 7, 2010

Sooo, since my last post, I’ve been concerned about my blog having a dark aura (for lack of a better word). I’ve been trying to think of something positive to share.

Dictionary.com defines “happy” as: delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing; characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy.

When was the last time I was happy? My happy moments comes in brief spurts, mostly. I had one this week when I was complimented at a temporary job assignment. I had one yesterday when I realized people were reading my blog. I had another one yesterday when I got to see my beautiful 8-month-old nephew.

This is a good lesson. So much of my time is spent thinking about how miserable I am… all the time, miserable. NO – not all the time. I do have good moments. I can tuck them away, and pull them out of my memory when I need to smile.

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