Posts Tagged ‘thankful’

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Gratitude

November 21, 2012

It’s that time of year… so many of us are verbalizing what we’re thankful for via Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc. Except for a brief one-liner comment at my company’s Thanksgiving potluck, I haven’t expressed the things I’m thankful for in my life.

Let’s see if I can get through this…

My mom died January 4, 2012. For the most part, I’ve been at peace with her leaving this earth. There’s a lengthy backstory there, which I won’t go into… I’ll simply say her suffering ended. My mom suffered in many ways on this earth, and because of her circumstances and decisions, I did too. Since her passing, for the most part, when I think of my mom, I feel an overwhelming sense of relief, and I smile at the memory of her, but lately, I’ve been thinking about the person she was down deep inside, and the person she raised me to be. I shall now give my “thanks” to you, Mom.

Thank you for being present in my life when and for as long as you were able.

Thank you for taking care of me when I was sick like only a nurse could.

Thank you for the talks… about boys, sex, life, and death and everything in between.

I’m thankful for your laugh, even as rare as it was to hear. I’m also grateful for your tears, for they were even more rare. They showed me you were a human being, not just my mom.

Thank you for the honest moments, the silly ones, and for being there during the sad ones, too.

Thank you for understanding my mental illness like only a survivor could, and doing everything in your power to guide and help me to be one, too. Because of you, I learned there are resources – help – lots of help.

Mom, because of your example I am caring, compassionate, empathetic, loving, and thoughtful.

I am capable , conscientious, and intelligent because of you.

I am NOT pretentious, careless, hateful, or racist. THANK YOU.

I am on this earth because of you, and it ain’t all bad. Thank you.

Last but not least, thank you for watching over me. I know you are here with me.

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Friends

February 9, 2010

When I’m in the depths of my depression, when absolutely nothing matters, I do what I do best – I isolate myself. I disappear. No one can find me. There have been many, many times in my adult life when I have sunk into a deep depression and completely shut myself off from my friends. Phone calls are ignored, emails go unanswered… for months and months… sometimes more than a year.

For some reason, my friends wait, and eventually I make contact with them again. They are always excited to hear from me… and we pick up right where we left off.

They should be allowed to expect more from me, though. Friendships are two-way roads. It’s important that I’m available for them when they need me, not just the other way around. I need to continually work on this. It’s equally important for my mental health. I need to be held accountable. I need to be a friend as much as I need friends.

Like I said, maintaining the friendships I have is absolutely critical to my mental health. I feel good when I reach out to my friends… no matter how long it’s been since we’ve last talked.

I am as honest as possible with my friends about being bipolar. They are supportive in all the ways that they know how to be, and for that, I am so thankful.

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